Sunday, September 17, 2006

Marilyn Monroe Bathroom Curtains

But if God did not make us wings ...

there is a reason no?
Okay, yes, I admit it: I have a fear of flying fuck!
And every time, at 7:00 in the morning, I find myself at the boarding gate for Milan, with a few other women and tens of managers already sweaty and pissed off that the rowdy inglesisimi raving in their mobile phone bluetooth headset, I think inexorably that maybe the Fates are about to scissor kick the final thread of my life.

mica I will not be just me to have these phobias, no? Because I do not believe those people who tell me that flying is the greatest thing in the world. No sir! Flying is the most unnatural can happen to a human being ...

It is not an irrational and unjustified fear, those who have no raison d'etre. Oh no! I am the reason my fears and certify. And then, in the long years in which, for business or pleasure, I flew over the globe hurtling at 850 km / 8-10000 meters in height (brrr. .. but there are chills just to read this?? ?), crunching Time and again the stale pretzels Alitalia, or sipping coffee dysenteric mash who dare to call, I pulled down a beautiful handbook to support my fear

1) The airport controls : September 11 aside, there seems to have to go repeatedly anxiety, you and your possessions, under the probing eye of the metal detector? And there seems even more anxiety to see that while going through the suitcase before you hardly reassuring type (which surely will happen on your plane) the two security guys, instead of watching the monitor, are telling their ultimate goal?

2) Instructions on board, but I say, somebody has ever given the safety instructions on a train, a bus, the bus, boat or any vehicle? Why are the hosts, with their plastic smiles and flesh-colored stockings 40 den rush to tell all the emergency exits, the bearings for the oxygen masks, life jacket etc etc etc? Then c'avete a guilty conscience? The guilty conscience? And then, of phrases like: "The crew is fully trained to deal with emergency situations" ... but to anyone who wants to drink? MI want to believe that, as the plane plunges into Japanese dive bomber model, the My hostess is there with his socks and he says: "Miss Quiet, please, the emergency exit is this way, you slip the jacket, if you do not blow in the swollen rubber tubes "????? Is already so if I'm not a spring sganassone to go before me!

3) The pilot, but I say ... you have never seen in the drivers face when they pass the gate? Behind their immaculate starched white shirt and hat, with the faces of ghosts, whites, on average, a bit 'hallucinatory ... I have seen many go, and I assure you that 90% of them I would not even drive the truck shopping!

4) noises, because a plane is an endless source of noise, and the other a more inquientante: pulls in the flaps, pull out the flaps, pull out the cart, the hostess rings the bell. .. if you then happen to the wing ("Excuse me, can give me a place far forward as possible?" = wing, "I can queue?" = ALWAYS !!!!!) on the wing you will have the opportunity to feel the full range of vocals placed precisely at the reactor a few meters away from your ass!

5) The issue: have you ever gone on a long journey, and went to destination as swollen 313 of the wheels of the Donald? I do! And do not try to do gymnastics swelling anti-anti-blood clot that distribute leaflets on the plane: the passenger in front of you surely have pulled back the seat, leaving a living space of about 2.5 cm.

6) messages from the terrorist commander: "The gentlemen are asked passengers to fasten their seat belts," "We have a small technical problem, we will leave the parking lot within minutes," "we are charging aircraft batteries (AIRCRAFT BATTERIES ????); "We called the external drive to turn the engines, because the power does not work"; "All the hostess seated and belted!

And on this set of very valid reasons in my opinion, I would like to add three questions that accompany me the first time I set foot on these infernal contraptions:

1) Where the fuck is the life jacket under the seat?
2) What the hell do I need a life jacket on a flight from Rome to Berlin?
3) Why the heck are still called the Chapel of the baggage compartments of the container in 15 years ... I saw a lean in a hat!

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